But I can't help liking the music I do. There's just something in me - a dumb inner jock, maybe - which craves sugary pop-punk and 90s' radio 'alternative'. These days we play Breakbot and Nicola Conte after work or on weekends, but when I'm alone and in need of a pick-me-up, I turn up the volume on something loud and teenage. And yes, I sing along.
1. AWOLNATION - Sail
First of all, I want to point out that AWOLNATION's frontman, Aaron Bruno, looks like a Swedish serial killer. One who's screaming "SAIL!" at you repeatedly, while you keep your hands above your head and try to surreptitiously nudge your cell phone closer with your foot.
I imagine this is what teenage girls listen to in a bid to be hardcore, but to me it's really just a fun party song - nothing too taxing on the brain or heart. I especially like singing "Maybe it's my ADD, baby" while marking the assignments of students with learning disabilities.
2. Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire
I come from a pretty religious family, so I enjoy the sepia faux-exorcism thing going on in the video. If my parents' church performed sweaty-young-farmhand exorcisms like that, they could charge admission and still pass around the collection plate after. I don't even know what the song means (genital itch? waxing gone wrong?) but who cares, it's three minutes and twenty eight seconds of hot beardies cashing in on their Pentecostal hillbilly childhoods. Good for them.
3. Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life
I'm not going to lie, I still love it and it makes me happy. I used to stop whatever I was doing just to watch the video on MTV and it was like a little bit of San Francisco sunlight bleeding into my life.
4. Blink 182 - Dammit
For my friends and I, this song was the equivalent of Ave Maria. You just couldn't get away from it - it was on the radio, on MTV, on everyone's Napster playlists. I think it captures the silliness and angst of being a teenager very well, and the wry resignation ("Well I guess this is growing up"). We used to be very badly behaved in movie theatres too - occupying an entire row or two, putting our feet up on the seats in front, flicking popcorn kernels at each other (and strangers). You only get to be so utterly clueless and inconsiderate once in your life, so on the whole I'm glad I had that experience.
5. Everclear - White Men in Black Suits
I know they're not a super admired band - in fact they sold out long ago - and I know this isn't one of their singles, and I know it's not even from one of their few respectable albums. But when I was 14 and struggling with the onset of the black dog (only a small and sad-eyed puppy then) this was everything to me. I think it must have been the desperate, diminishing hope in the chorus.
Unlike a lot of self-aggrandising pop music these days, the song's declaration of freakdom ("I am a loser geek/crazy with an evil streak/yes I do believe there is a violent thing inside of me") isn't made with pride, it's just stated wearily. There's no fight left anymore, it just wants to be left alone by "all those people". When you're young and feeling helpless, it's all you need to know, that other people have felt the same way. (Of course when you're older you need more, but then hopefully you have the ability to find it for yourself - whatever it is.)